I moved to Savannah in April of 09. Built somewhat of a life there....only to be brought back to Birmingham by my step-dad (I use that term loosely) being in a coma. I've been back in Birmingham for 3 weeks and am beginning to feel a bit discouraged. Actually that seems to be a vast understatement at this point. Lonliness has started to take over, though I've reconnected with a few friends I needed to talk to. Waiting....waiting...time is passing so slowly.

since I've written anything...or updated anything. Jeremy and I made it to 1 year 8 months and 10 days. I was supposed to be getting married in 8 months. No longer is this the case. I've officially been single for 5 days.

I'm moving to Savannah, Ga to be with my sister, and help her with her baby until she can afford daycare and whatnot. Maybe it will do me some good to be around the baby. I'm not sure at this point.

I'm not sure what's good for me. I do know that I need to do something.

I have this empty space inside me. I don't want to let go. I know I have to, but I really don't want to.

I don't really know what to write, honestly. I don't want to do anything. I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head and pretend that everything's alright.

My heart is incognito. Why does he do this to me? There's just something, I don't know what it is, but something, keeping me tied to him. And I can't let it go.


Dammit.

I'm sitting here in our room. Looking around at all the memories we've made. The tears won't stop coming now.

I told him he could keep the cats. I can't take them with me. Even if I could, they love him more.

My heart feels like it's been deflated. Like, some strange power has possessed it. Keeping it from coming back.

I need it back. I need it. I just want everything to be OKAY. And they will be.

Okay?


Goodbye love...or should I say, see you later?

*squeals like the little fan girl she is* I totally got to see Nightwish in concert for their first U.S. tour. Along with my best friend, her brother, and my fiance. It was amazing. (that's kind of an understatement) ...

As stated in my last post...very vaguely...I was dumped. Never in my life have I felt more pain. Do I still hurt? Yes, very much so. I've found a great remedy for these pains are road trips. I went and saw the Grand Canyon. Actually, I helped a friend move out to Arizona..and then went to see the Grand Canyon. :) In either case...the air seemed so much clearer, the sky bigger, and I , smaller. The meditation was amazing..and I wish I never had to go back home.
I've decided to finally take initiative in my own life..and I've been doing a serious cleansing and evaluation on my physical, emotional, future wants and needs. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm okay...I'll be okay. In a few months I think I'm going to move to Austin, TX. Go to school, work on my art, etc....

I'm going to straighten things out in my life while I still can...at the best times...when I'm young.

Also, I was on myspace today...and I did a search for my first cousin's that live in Cali. I've never met or talked to any of my dad's side of the family..and I found one of my cousins. I'm almost giddy about it. hehe Another day in paradise!

Namaste,
Augusta

....without valid reason....


I'm lost....

and no longer have the love of my life....


I need...time? ...something...

Bealtaine has come faster than I imagined it would...I'm not sure if I'm happy for this, or not. I have alot going on right now..and I seem to be rather unhappy at the moment. 'Tis supposed to be a day of celebration...I wish I had someone to celebrate with. I don't feel much like celebrating..especially when I have no real way to. Maybe I'll just sneak away to the woods later on today. Sit and soak it up. I'll write more later...it is now early and I need to go to sleep! I shall update when the day is ending and there's much more to tell!

Namaste,
Augusta

my lips crave your kiss
your taste.
fueled by desires
of the distant heart...

your sweet warmth
&
enchanting words
lather & pour over me...

stealing my soul
like the dark night
swallowing the sun;

what my lips crave.




*********

I miss my darling very much...These words poured from my pen early this morning...and I think it's the first REALLY raw thing I've written in a while...not much of anything...but I'm proud of it.

Isn't it strange how times change...and somehow, you seem to be the same. I mean yes, you've changed. You're not the same you were last year much less 10 years ago. But some things you go back and find, you've always been the same. I found this, and many other, pictures today. I loved going back through the memories. Looking back over the years at who I was, and who I am.

sorry for the short blog...but think back...how have you changed? :) Pictures are fun to share too! hehe

-peace,

Augusta

Obviously I've been in an insane artistic state :) The above picture I finished today...I long to get to the beach...I should go. I don't have the cash though =/ . Anyway, Zaadz won't let me upload anything from my computer for some reason =[[ . Anyway...the warm weather's starting to get me into this summer frenzy...I guess that's what you'd call it. I want to shove my feet into the warm sand and feel the ocean spray on my face. Meditation helps! :) I just love falling asleep to the sounds of the ocean waves crashing along the beach. Maybe once I'm back with Kyle I'll sleep better haha. Speaking of Kyle, I miss him more than anything..soon...very soon. I think him seeing the pictures from our trip makes him more ready for me to be back with him...

*crosses fingers* here's hoping it's soon! :)


My soul is happy today

share a smile and a hug with someone!!!!


much peace and love,

Augusta

my loving/nurturing nature :) <3